Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Grief, The Holidays, And You

The following press release was put out to several hundred media sources across North America. Here we are facing another holiday season with thousands, if not millions of you, dealing with the experience of Grief and Loss.

This is the time of year when I think about my mother, my friend Bruce and my favorite brother-in-law Frank. I miss them all dearly. Now I get to add my dad to this list, and several more friends who passed away since 2015. I will likely shed a few tears. But I will also be celebrating their lives and what they each meant to me. There will be laughter and tears of joy. That's how I remember these loved ones and keep them in my heart forever. Because my grief for each of them is healed, I can easily call them to mind, speak to my family about them, and appreciate what a great benefit they were to me and my life while they were here.

How are you going to deal with this Holiday Season? Are you going to recall your lost loved ones, or are you going to try and avoid any reference to them? That would be sad. Your hurt and pain are testimony to how much they meant to you. Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all? What are you waiting for? You don't have to do this alone. Help is readily available.

PRESS RELEASE:Veteran Therapist Creates New Grief Recovery Book Teaching Individuals How to Cope with Grief and Loss and Start Feeling Better in 3 Months or Less. St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada. Maurice Turmel PhD points out that our feelings lie at the heart of the grief and grieving process, and addressing these with the right tools offers the quickest path to recovery. By dealing with this core component, we temper the shock and trauma associated with grieving process while placing ourselves on a path of genuine healing.

The grief and grieving process is a subjective emotional experience. It cuts to the core of our being and becomes the emotional wound in our heart that we must now address. This is where the damage lies and where grief healing needs be applied. Understood in this context, we can see why platitudes like “It’s God’s Will” or “Time Heals All” continuously fail and leave sufferers feeling confused, guilty and inadequate.

Emotions and feelings need to be expressed openly with kind receptive supporters, and privately through the process of journaling for the grief and grieving process to have healing take place. The answer to “How to Cope with the Grief and Grieving Process” lies with modern psychology and the lessons of psychotherapy.

When people are encouraged to talk about their feelings, they heal more quickly than through all other methods combined. Honest self-relating is required here. Defenses, emotional blockages, addictions and other strategies of denial block the flow of feeling energy and cripple our attempts to engage the grief and grieving process. These common forms of escape prevail until we learn that connecting with feelings and expressing our emotions does in fact promote healing.

Wars have taught us that repression of feelings and emotions becomes manifested in a condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Once the experts identified it, they found a way treat it. They engaged PTSD sufferers in group therapy, one on one counseling and journaling, all part of a newly emerging grief and grieving process approach to recovery. These strategies stand out as the best ways for accepting and releasing feelings associated with any trauma, including the loss of a loved one through death, suicide or broken relationship.

We have also learned through study of the grief and grieving process that addiction distracts us from feelings we want to avoid. Recovery from addiction, oddly enough, is not much different than dealing with grief and grieving. Expressing feelings in a safe and receptive environment is the key to breaking the back of any addiction and denial process.

This approach deals effectively with the grief and grieving process at its feeling core. There are many losses to be dealt with in a lifetime. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a broken relationship or the death of a loved one, this feeling-based approach to grief and grieving leads to a healthy recovery in the shortest possible time.

Let this approach to the grief and grieving process be your short cut to a full and complete recovery where your departed loved one remains in your heart as a loving and positive reminder of who you were together.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

More on Holidays - Always Difficult for Grieving a Loss

The holidays are upon us again. The US also celebrates Thanksgiving at this time of year, after which the big focus will be Christmas and New Years. Holidays are always difficult for persons in Grief.

The loss of someone important to us comes boldly to the fore at this time.  We feel their absence more intensely than at any other time of the year.  The tendency is to want to withdraw from all the merry making and  celebrating when we are feeling so low about our loved one.

It is necessary to push at times like these. And be prepared to cry more than usual. This would be a good time to write a letter to your loved one, letting them know how much you miss them and whatever else you're feeling at the moment. This is for you, to help reduce the stress, to acknowledge how much you miss them and how it hurts to be without them. This is not a permanent condition. It too will pass.

For those of you engaged in the How to Cope with Grief and Loss strategies, you will be turning to your journal more often at this time. It's been working for you so far so just ramp it up as much as you need.  Listen to the relaxation program. Read and listen to your favorite passages in the book. And let yourself feel. Although this may be intense, when you come out the other side, you will be greatly relieved and your recovery process will have taken a giant leap forward.

For those of you struggling without guidance, we wish you well. Your tendency as already mentioned will be to distance yourself from activity in order to try and avoid what you're feeling. That'll just make it worse. Be with friends and family at this time, especially if you are sharing this
loss with others. There should be some comfort there for you.

Feeling Connected

Sometimes when we are feeling lost and alone we don’t know which way to

turn to possibly renew a friendship.

That pal we had so long ago is lost to us now. They have faded away like

so many things from our earlier life.

Are we to believe that we can no longer sustain such relationships? Are we

to let go of all those sources of comfort that once enjoined us and caused
us great pride.

Our affections for others are what keep us alive. That is, our connection

to each other invites us to live again, to breathe, and to satisfy those
cravings for friendship we once carried around and dismissed.

It’s not true that we have to let go of all this as time marches on. It
is true however, that we have a greater need for each other as the years
speed on by.

When we’re alone, we’re alone, but not in the factual sense. We are

alone because we feel alone. And we are together because we feel connected.

Connected means enjoined. It means we are happy to be in the service of

the Lord. He/She is our Creator and Guide. She/He is our Source of constant
comfort. Without the Creator we wouldn’t have each other, given that we all
sprang from the same “Source.”

Now we are ready to move on, to join with each other once again and to

share what we know and cherish. The twilight of life is a better place if
our lessons to this point have taught us about the value of having good
companions while marching on this pilgrimage toward home.

Home is where the heart is, and that is where we are all joined together,

isn’t it?

Friday, October 31, 2008

4 Reasons for You to deal with Grief and Loss Now!


   1) You will feel better
knowing you are not alone with this experience of grief as a result of losing a loved one. Many individuals have traveled this path successfully and, those of us who study these processes, have been hard at work creating the tools and strategies necessary to help you safely negotiate the recovery experience.

2) You will feel better 
as you become aware of how manageable the healing experience can be while you grow accustomed to using tools that will help you get in touch with your feelings. Once aware of what you are feeling, you will be encouraged you to express those feelings and see for yourself how your stress level will begin to recede. Strategies of denial, anger, withdrawal and repression will be abandoned as they should because you are now aware of what’s necessary to safely manage your recovery experience.

3) You will feel better 
realizing that you no longer have to tough this out, or engage in practices that would deny you the genuineness of your loss. Your heart knows where it’s going and it knows what it needs to help you safely negotiate this path. Open yourself to the possibility that you can have what you want in terms of help and self-awareness, and about the process that will set the stage for your emotional recovery.

4) You will feel better knowing that no one travels this path alone and nor should you. Helpful resources are readily available. The old ways of denial, repression and toughing it out are done. They belong to another era. Today, we are allowed to feel what we feel and express those feelings in a safe and genuine manner. What we do today when facing tragedy is our choice. If we choose the path of recovery, then that’s what we will have. Do not deny yourself the opportunity to heal. Never choose suffering over healing. The spirit of recovery is in the air. Alcoholics recover. Drug addicts recover. Abused children recover. Persons with broken hearts, for whatever reason, can do so as well.

     So start your recovery now and learn how you can not only cope with this experience, but actually heal your broken heart.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

Writing helps mother deal with loss of her murderd daughter - News Post Leader

Writing helps mother deal with loss of her murderd daughter - News Post Leader: "Writing helps mother deal with loss of her murdered daughter

Lynne Robson.


"FIVE-and-a-half years ago – on the night of her parents' silver wedding anniversary – 14-year-old Sarah Robson's body was found in a field close to her East Cramlington home.
She had been plied with cheap wine before being raped, then beaten and strangled, leaving her parents and two brothers heartbroken.

Now her mum Lynne has published a book, If Only, which tells the story of Sarah's life and her family's journey from that devastating knock on the door in February 2003, through the court case and beyond."

This is great example of "journaling" which is a key tool in grief recovery. This piece of journaling is now public, but it's value extends beyond that. Journaling is a great tool for How to Cope with Grief and Loss.

It is a key process to your recovery which we also recommend in our book on the subject of Grief and Loss.