Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Grief & Loss and the Holidays




The holidays are upon us again. The US also celebrates Thanksgiving at this time of year, after which the big focus will be Christmas and New Years. Holidays are always difficult for persons in Grief.

The loss of someone important to us comes boldly to the fore at this time.  We feel their absence more intensely than at any other time of the year.  The tendency is to want to withdraw from all the merry making and  celebrating when we are feeling so low about our loved one.

It is necessary to push at times like these. And be prepared to cry more than usual. This would be a good time to write a letter to your loved one, letting them know how much you miss them and whatever else you're feeling at the moment. This is for you, to help reduce the stress, to acknowledge how much you miss them and how it hurts to be without them. This is not a permanent condition. It too will pass.

For those of you engaged in the How to Cope with Grief and Loss strategies, you will be turning to your journal more often at this time. It's been working for you so far so just ramp it up as much as you need.  Listen to the relaxation program. Read and listen to your favorite passages in the book. And let yourself feel. Although this may be intense, when you come out the other side, you will be greatly relieved and your recovery process will have taken a giant leap forward.

For those of you struggling without guidance, we wish you well. Your tendency as already mentioned will be to distance yourself from activity in order to try and avoid what you're feeling. That'll just make it worse. Be with friends and family at this time, especially if you are sharing this
loss with others. There should be some comfort there for you.


Feeling Connected

Sometimes when we are feeling lost and alone we don’t know which way to

turn to possibly renew a friendship.

That pal we had so long ago is lost to us now. They have faded away like

so many things from our earlier life.

Are we to believe that we can no longer sustain such relationships? Are we

to let go of all those sources of comfort that once enjoined us and caused
us great pride.

Our affections for others are what keep us alive. That is, our connection

to each other invites us to live again, to breathe, and to satisfy those
cravings for friendship we once carried around and dismissed.

It’s not true that we have to let go of all this as time marches on. It
is true however, that we have a greater need for each other as the years
speed on by.

When we’re alone, we’re alone, but not in the factual sense. We are

alone because we feel alone. And we are together because we feel connected.

Connected means enjoined. It means we are happy to be in the service of

the Lord. He/She is our Creator and Guide. She/He is our Source of constant
comfort. Without the Creator we wouldn’t have each other, given that we all
sprang from the same “Source.”

Now we are ready to move on, to join with each other once again and to

share what we know and cherish. The twilight of life is a better place if
our lessons to this point have taught us about the value of having good
companions while marching on this pilgrimage toward home.

Home is where the heart is, and that is where we are all joined together,

isn’t it?

Friday, September 29, 2017

Navigating the Stages of Grief and Loss


Kindle Edition =

When Angels Call: Coping With Grief and Loss


The stages of Death and Dying evolved by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross are often mis-identified as The Stages of Grief Recovery. In her schema, she came up with 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) depression and 5) acceptance as reactions to a diagnosis of terminal illness. Her stages only make sense when considered against that backdrop. As such, this configuration has nothing to do with the stages of grief recovery.

Looking back over my 25 years of therapeutic experience dealing with hundreds of individuals and families going through grief and loss and a review of the currently available data I have come up with 4 stages of Grief Recovery. Kubler-Ross' stages do not fit this paradigm even though they are often mistaken as the quintessential guideline. For those of you seeking grief recovery the following stages are what you can expect.

1) Numbness and Shock: - We hear the news about the death of a loved one and our mind goes into shock. The news is too unbelievable, too hard to digest in one sitting. Numbness enters the picture because our mind is still reeling from the news as our body goes into a state of emotional numbness. We try desperately to process this terrible news. Simple tasks now feel overwhelming. Feelings of disorientation and displacement are common. Some have described this as a dreamlike state where you feel disconnected from events and people around you. Funeral arrangements and other issues are accomplished mechanically.

Stage 2 - Disintegration and Disorientation: The initial shock of losing a loved one begins to settle down and we are now faced with the deeper feelings of grief and bereavement. Emotional disintegration, which feels like "falling apart" enters the picture as the reality of the loss hits us hard. Physical reactions such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite are not uncommon and need to be taken up with your family doctor. On the emotional side, feelings of confusion, anxiety, anger and depression may now begin to surface. These deeper reactions are your body and mind's way of trying to release stress. Grief recovery means working through these reactions over time.

Stage 3) Bereavement and Grief Recovery - Once you are past the shock and have started to come out of disorganization, bereavement and grief recovery can begin in earnest. You can now make full use of your grief recovery resources including books, audio books, healing music and grief counseling. These days, you can be part of an online support group where sharing is the by-word and all persons there are eager and ready to listen and help each other recover. You are not alone, unless you choose to be. And you are not a victim, unless you choose that as well!

Stage 4 - Coming Back Together / Reintegration - You've been following an action plan laid out in your favored grief resources. A good book, counselor or support group has provided a set of guidelines to follow and you realize this journey of recovery is manageable. Books, audio resources, counseling and support groups provided the framework to recovery you've been looking for. Your action steps bear fruit. You notice a little less emotional tenderness with each passing day and more of your old self returning. Your life has changed. You've lost a valued loved one. The pain at times felt unbearable. But you are past that now and your grief recovery is near the end.

These are the stages of grief recovery as I have come to know them after 25 years of helping hundreds of individuals, couples and families come to terms with Murder Grief, Suicide Grief, Relationship Grief, Loss of a Parent, Loss of a Child and Loss of a Spouse. I have also dealt with many losses in my own life including a best friend, mother, favorite brother-in-law, special uncle and other family members and acquaintances.

For a successful grief recovery I recommend the following: 1) Acquire a good reading and/or audio book resource that you can access whenever you want and need to, something that will provide support and guidance as you work your way through the necessary grief recovery action steps. 2) Check out any support groups in your area. This will help eliminate the feeling that you are alone and will normalize your recovery experience.

3) Sometimes local groups are not available. Not to worry because online Grief Support Networks are plentiful. Just do a search for "Grief Support Online" and numerous choices will be available to you. Again, the main benefit is community and a sense of belonging. There is no need to go through grief alone or suffer for an extended period of time. Share your story with others and listen to theirs. This helps you both. 4) If necessary see a therapist. Some of your early experiences may be too overwhelming or confusing. See an expert. He or she will help you get on track with a tailor made grief recovery program.

Paperback =

When Angels Call: Coping With Grief and Loss




Friday, September 22, 2017

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss - 3rd edition



Just published the 3rd edition of this volume on Amazon.com  Completely revamped, re-edited and includes new chapters with references to specific losses such as Murder Grief, Suicide Grief, Relationship Grief and Loss of a Child Grief.


Dr. Maurice Turmel reaches out a helping hand to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one in this collection of reflections, stories, parables and poems coupled with sound advice garnered from 25 years of professional practice. 

This is both a practical and spiritual approach to what is for many the most difficult task we must face as humans on this earth. With simple guidance, illustrative stories and reflective pauses, the reader is taken through the ups and downs that constitute this universal experience and given tools to help navigate this most difficult of tasks. 

Utilizing both psychology and spirituality as guides, the reader is encouraged to look within, seek help when necessary and reflect on this unique experience that holds the potential for growth regardless of the facts and circumstances surrounding one's lost loved one. "We are the ones experiencing grief and loss, not the Dearly Departed. And we are the ones who need healing during this trying time and must, by necessity, open our hearts to receive the comforting gestures pouring our way. Only in this manner can genuine healing proceed." 

A Treasure Trove of Wonderful Material! 
“Thank you so much for this Dr. Turmel. I love how you write; so down to earth. Not all that mumbo jumbo we mere mortals have trouble digesting. I’ll be sharing these stories and insights with readers of my Grieving Behind the Badge Newsletter - Many HUGS” 
Peggy Sweeney - The Sweeney Alliance - Kerrville, TX 

Different Kinds of Loss 
We must go through the stages of grieving to heal our hearts.  In this book on Coping with Grief and Loss, Dr. Turmel opens the door to the heart with his amazing way of delivering stories that put us on the path to healing. His way of explaining and guiding us on the path of grief is a blessing that must have come from Angels and God. When Angels Call is a true gift for anyone who's heart is grieving and looking to heal." 
Carol Guy, Angelic Counselor and Author 

Appeals to Persons of Many Faiths 
Even though references to God are Christian in tone ‘When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss’ will appeal to persons of many faiths suffering the experience of loss. The stories are simple and hold interest, offering much comfort, insight and motivation to share one’s Grief, that being essential to the healing process.  
Father Gilbert Gariepy, Chaplain Services - Health Sciences Centre, Wpg., MB. 

An Exceptionally Inspiring Book 
"Dr. Maurice Turmel has written an exceptionally inspiring book for those experiencing the grieving process, and for the general reader as well.  Filled with inspirational stories, poetry, and reflections, “When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss" is more than just a book: it is an interactive experience that will raise your spirits. Dr. Turmel has the knack of hitting just the right note at just the right time.  I have to say that I truly enjoyed this work.  It's a gem that you can refer back to again and again when you're feeling low, or when you just need a spiritual lift.” 
Kenneth MacLean, Author of "The Vibrational Universe"

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss