Coping With Grief & Loss - Press Release

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss

PRESS RELEASE:

Veteran Therapist Creates New Grief Recovery Book Teaching Individuals How to Cope with Grief and Loss and Start Feeling Better in 3 Months or Less. St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada. 

Maurice Turmel PhD points out that our feelings lie at the heart of the grief and grieving process, and addressing these with the right tools offers the quickest path to recovery. By dealing with this core component, we temper the shock and trauma associated with grieving process while placing ourselves on a path of genuine healing.

The grief and grieving process is a subjective emotional experience. It cuts to the core of our being and becomes the emotional wound in our heart that we must now address. This is where the damage lies and where grief healing needs be applied. Understood in this context, we can see why platitudes like “It’s God’s Will” or “Time Heals All” continuously fail and leave sufferers feeling confused, guilty and inadequate.

Emotions and feelings need to be expressed openly with kind receptive supporters, and privately through the process of journaling for the grief and grieving process to have healing take place. The answer to “How to Cope with the Grief and Grieving Process” lies with modern psychology and the lessons of psychotherapy.

When people are encouraged to talk about their feelings, they heal more quickly than through all other methods combined. Honest self-relating is required here. Defenses, emotional blockages, addictions and other strategies of denial block the flow of feeling energy and cripple our attempts to engage the grief and grieving process. These common forms of escape prevail until we learn that connecting with feelings and expressing our emotions does in fact promote healing. 

Wars have taught us that repression of feelings and emotions becomes manifested in a condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Once the experts identified it, they found a way treat it. They engaged PTSD sufferers in group therapy, one on one counseling and journaling, all part of a newly emerging grief and grieving process approach to recovery. These strategies stand out as the best ways for accepting and releasing feelings associated with any trauma, including the loss of a loved one through death, suicide or broken relationship. 

We have also learned through study of the grief and grieving process that addiction distracts us from feelings we want to avoid. Recovery from addiction, oddly enough, is not much different than dealing with grief and grieving. Expressing feelings in a safe and receptive environment is the key to breaking the back of any addiction and denial process. 

This approach deals effectively with the grief and grieving process at its feeling core. There are many losses to be dealt with in a lifetime. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a broken relationship or the death of a loved one, this feeling-based approach to grief and grieving leads to a healthy recovery in the shortest possible time.

Let this approach to the grief and grieving process be your short cut to a full and complete recovery where your departed loved one remains in your heart as a loving and positive reminder of who you were together.

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss

https://howtocopewithgriefandloss.blogspot.com/2017

The Wonderland of Grief & Loss

   

The Wonderland of Grief and Loss

Maurice Turmel PhD

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss

The land of Grief and Loss is not a particularly favorable destination but one that we cross paths with on a regular basis throughout our lifetime.  We are rarely ready for this. In our culture, so much has gone into the Denial of Death that we find ourselves at a loss when the real thing comes along.

Let's take a closer look, shall we.

When a death occurs in our sphere of influence, we, the bereaved of the world, find ourselves in some kind of wonderland that we can't explain. This is a special place, an unusual place, outside the mainstream of our regular day to day existence.

We've been thrown into this land called Grief & Loss by the sudden and/or unexpected death of a loved one.  Unexpected here means unprepared, unwitting and most assuredly, unwanted.

We are lost and afraid.  We don't know our way around this territory.  It feels strange.  It feels almost Hollywood like in the same sense that it seems so surreal.

When we land here, unexpectedly, and usually suddenly, we are told by others what to expect, what could happen, and what one might feel under the circumstances.

At the funeral home there are people who travel this road regularly because its their business.  They usually look pale and sad, almost zombie like, because that's the nature of this environment.  The clothes they wear are as dark as the mood they convey. These caretakers of the dead and of us in grief know this journey all too well. They are always quite respectful of we, the uninitiated.  In their world, death and grieving are a straightforward circumstance that they see every day.

To all of us, now in the throes of grief, this death and dying business is an aberration, like falling off a cliff emotionally speaking, something we don't encounter on a regular basis, and therefore, alien to our usual life circumstances. The experience of death and grieving is also something we are often repelled by and dragged into kicking and screaming regardless that it is a mainstay of our collective destiny.

So here we are in this Wonderland called Grief & Loss feeling things we don't want to feel, experiencing emotions that are quite powerful and overwhelming and far outside our usual array of daily life experiences. We are forced by these circumstances to gather in places we don't want to be in, talk about emotions we don't want to discuss, while checking our watches to pinpoint the right moment for our exit.  We are face to face with a deceased loved one, a friend, a partner, a relationship that is now terminally broken.

We will never see this person again.  We will not speak with them, receive emails from them, or connect again in any fashion we had become used to over the course of our lives.  A big hole has opened up inside and it is filling with grief emotions we can't seem to control.

What do we do with ourselves now?  Initially at least we appear to sleepwalk through the process.  These are early days of grief and loss where the emotions are powerful and the mood is dark.  We are surrounded with mists of doubt, feelings of abandonment, self-admonishment perhaps – a whole host of pejoratives that we're busy conjuring up to try and make sense of this reality we now face.

Guilt, shame, sadness and weeping are all part of this process, this wonderland experience.  It is at such times where we find out things about ourselves we'd rather not admit to, things about the deceased we were never privy to, a whole host of revelations that might have remained buried were this person still with us now. The ground underneath us is shaking and continues to move.

Welcome to the Wonderland of Grief & Loss. This place is vastly different from your regular life circumstances and you shall remain here for some time to come.

Time heals all?  Not True!

Time heals if we do the work of acknowledging our feelings and working through them. These powerful emotions are extremes in the feeling range of life and they are upon us like a large dark cloud which has settled in for some time to come, whatever may be the duration of this process.

These extremes of emotional experiencing will pass eventually because all healing processes have beginnings and endings that are somewhat predictable.  As the grieving work is accomplished the dark cloud eventually breaks up and then dissipates.  This is the Wonderland of Grief & Loss.

Your stay in this valley of experience may be brief or long, depending on whom was lost and your attachment to that individual. Such events are always memorable even when filed away in the psychological closets we prefer not to visit. For those open to the experience and willing to embrace what needs to be done, there are lessons here that can deliver growth experiences unattainable anywhere else.

For those of you willing to do the work, make sure you say your prayers, whatever they may be and ask for the guidance and support you truly deserve. That will be forthcoming in whatever form suits you best.

Talk about the loss with your friends.  See a therapist if that's required. Join a grief recovery group. Give yourself every benefit that's readily available.  And this too shall pass. You will survive and you'll grow stronger as a result of having done the work.

That's the message here, dear friends.  The work has to be done or you will drag these ill effects with you far into the future, tainting every aspect of your life experience with this unattended sadness and remorse that simply begs for acknowledgment and release.

If you're still feeling stuck, ask yourself this:

“What would my deceased family member / loved one want for me in this circumstance? How would they want me to proceed?"  Or, if the tables were turned and you were looking at them while they were grieving you, what would you urge them to do for themselves?  Then govern yourself accordingly.

Its an alien place at first, this Wonderland of Grief & Loss – but only at first. Soon we realize that this experience  comes and goes like the seasons and we will pass here many times throughout our life journey before we come to our own final goodbye.

Give yourself what you need and you'll manage it all quite well. Then you'll be surprised at how quickly the grieving recedes once you've undertaken the healing process as a whole.  The smiles will be back.  The joy of living will return. Even your lost loved one will come to be viewed as an asset in the winding journey of your life, a person now easily called to memory with fondness and love. Win Win!

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss

Counseling and Grief Recovery

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss

When I was in private practice I saw a lot of individuals who were grieving the loss of a loved one, whether that was a child, a spouse, a parent or a close friend. On a few occasions I saw couples where one of them had been diagnosed with a terminal condition and had less than 6 months to live. These situations were particularly traumatic for the persons involved, especially for the spouse who was not ill.

These couples, with the terminally ill partner, needed to work through feelings about their situation and the practical steps necessary to prepare for the inevitable. The terminally ill partner seemed to have an easier time with the process once they had accepted the reality of their death. When my brother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I witnessed the same effects taking place for he and my sister. Broadly speaking, it was always the surviving partner that had the toughest time.

With counselling of any sort, the goal is to LISTEN! Not just to hear the words an individual was speaking, but to identify the Feelings behind them. When I would reflect back to the individual I always began with sounds like you're feeling " sad, angry, scared, anxious, depressed " whatever it was they were conveying. I would then ask them to check in to see if what I said was accurate. It usually was.

Then I would instruct them to pay attention to that particular feeling and tell me more about it. They would then describe their feelings in detail along with whatever physical reactions might be attached to it. Tears would begin to flow as they related the physical and emotional reactions they were experiencing. This was the essence of my counselling approach for persons in grief, no matter what the precipitating circumstances.

It was not unusual for clients to ask about Stages of Grief and/or some theory they had heard about in their research on the matter. As interesting as this might be, I would point out that anything that distracted them from their feelings was a waste of their recovery efforts. In contrast, anything that helped them focus on feelings would always be the most beneficial. After a few challenging sessions, where painful feelings were addressed and released, the client would realize that this was the path to recovery. Not only that, but learning to identify, describe and release feelings as a general practice, would have benefits far beyond their successful grief recovery.

We are programmed toward externals by our various sources of news that like to talk about charts, graphs, theories and stages. These tantalizing tidbits are geared toward boosting ratings or adding another "Top Ten Ways to Heal Grief" book to the self-help section of bookstores. A helpful grief recovery resource will focus on Internals, such as feelings and emotions, because that's always where the hurt lies. Our Heart and Feeling Center determines the quality of our life and tells us when we are hurting. By focusing inward we identify and release feelings, along with the associated pain. Writing in a journal, listening to good music, reading heart-centered poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart because that's where healing actually happens.

A well written grief recovery book can become an excellent counselling companion as long as it is designed to put you in touch with your feelings. A fully narrated grief resource can take you even further. Since the feelings associated with grief and bereavement are so intense, youre practically there. Just a little push and the guidance counselling resource book and youre on your way. For most of us, all we need is Permission to Feel. Our heart and soul will take it from there because we have engaged our body and feeling natures innate healing capability.

With any recovery process there can be many distractions along the way. In the case of grief recovery these can come in the form of stages, charts and graphs that are intellectually interesting but have no value in terms of your grief recovery. Most religions, even though well-intentioned, fall short on this matter as well. A good grief resource, counselor or support group can help you focus on the heart of the matter which is your feeling nature. Externals, even when interesting, can detract you from the task at hand - healing your broken heart.

You now have what you need to heal your grief. You will recover from this tragedy and great loss. You will become intimately acquainted with your Heart and Feeling Centre. You will come to a point where you can think about your loved one and smile. Because when the hurt is finally healed, what remains with you is the love you carry in your heart, and that is forever.

When Angels Call - Coping with Grief and Loss